Scribbles in Ink

something about me;

2012-02-18T18:45:00.000+08:00

i am always in a constant state of wanting.
wanting to be more and wanting to be better.
i have this thing where i want to do everything,
and i want to be great at everything,
or at least i want to have tried
and be able to say that i suck at it.
and then when the opportunity comes,
try and try again.

(also, i'm quite upset because i had this "stickynote" on my desktop with a list of songs and lyrics i wanted to download when i had good internet but it suddenly disappeared or maybe someone accidentally deleted it. :( so tragic. )

lythiah posted;

2012-02-17T13:49:00.000+08:00

For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. And all the time your soul is craving and longing for something else. And in vain does the dreamer rummage about in his old dreams, raking them over as though they were a heap of cinders, looking in these cinders for some spark, however tiny, to fan it into a flame so as to warm his chilled blood by it and revive in it all that he held so dear before, all that touched his heart, that made his blood course through his veins, that drew tears from his eyes, and that so splendidly deceived him!
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

clearly, i don't know how to be embarrassed;

2012-02-17T01:28:00.000+08:00

golly this is so terrible hahah, trying to draw with charcoal... what is this..? omg.

flakes by mystery jets;

2012-02-17T00:55:00.000+08:00

This song
Is one I never thought that I'd play
But if you want me gone
There are kinder ways to say
So long than spitting in my face

They don’t teach these things in school
They just lay down the rules which are there for you to break
Which are there for you to break

If I’m wrong
Then dust me off and put me in my place, but
Drop a bomb
Shall you blow me away without even a trace?
I’ll be gone and I won’t give chase

‘Cause when you’re in pieces, you pick up the bits, and nothing fits, and the wind blows
You away
Oh, the wind blows you away

I pray
There will come a time when I think of you and I smile
These days
Everything seems to last only a while
Remember the names
For the day when we’d have a child

But the trouble with dreams, they’re not what they seem, ‘cause when you awake,
They fall through your fingers,
In flakes
They fall through your fingers in flakes

tegan and sara;

2012-02-17T00:53:00.000+08:00

solo quiero decir que;

2012-02-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

quiero decir que amo este idioma. lo que daria para estudiarlo otra vez. siempre busco nuevos amigos quienes pueden hablar y practicar conmigo porque Dios me dio la oportunidad de aprenderlo cuando me mando a Argentina, pero ahora es mi turno para tomar el esfuerzo para que no lo olvido.

asi que, te estoy esperando.
encuentrame.

jeopardy;

2012-02-16T22:54:00.000+08:00

and now we play, the waiting game.

plan of action:
get my license
read unread books
pray harder
paint
draw
accomplish certain peace of mind
cycle and eat better
try to start writing again

from rina's tumblr;

2012-02-16T22:05:00.004+08:00

"I stare at your lips
and fall in love with the way
they form what you say."
Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (via tylerknott)
(via anditslove)

Noise

anditslove:

I cannot put a
price
on the quiet
and calm
that you bring
to the
constant
and deafening
noise
that always
seems to
surround
me.

-Tyler Knott Gregson-

(Source: tylerknott)

as it turns out;

2012-02-16T09:07:00.000+08:00

i'm too lazy.

we're walking around this house like ghosts,
in the bitter silence of thought.

times like these i wish i could break out the harmonica,
and start playing some blues.

i think;

2012-02-16T08:59:00.002+08:00

i'll make myself a tuna sandwich.
tuna might make me feel better.

2012-02-16T08:57:00.000+08:00

basically;

2012-02-14T07:25:00.002+08:00

my dad's awesome,

and like,

he high fived me yesterday.

so.. that's cool.

Leopold Stokowski;

2012-02-12T22:44:00.002+08:00

A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.

what a nice quote, from my friend's facebook status.

to draw and to travel, ah the life;

2012-02-12T19:23:00.001+08:00

from: http://www.urbansketchers.org

i don't pretend to know much;

2012-02-12T18:52:00.000+08:00

so maldives is in turmoil over the loss of their president.
to my knowledge, he stepped down after the riots put too much pressure on him.

"I resign because I am not a person who wishes to rule with the use of power. I believe that if the government were to remain in power, it would require the use of force which would harm many citizens," he said in a statement broadcast on state-run television seized by rogue policemen.

"I resign because I believe that if the government continues to stay in power, it is very likely that we may face foreign influences," he said. "I have made this decision."

many are fearful for the parties that may come into power with the new president at the head of the country. many people are criticizing Mohamed Nasheed (former president) for "quitting" on them when their country was destabilizing with the police mutiny, however, many are still supportive of him.

what made me smile, was when i was on facebook today and there was a poll going on, about who should be reelected as president for the 2013 term. by a landslide, thousands of people still voted for Mohamed Nasheed because they don't believe it's enough to judge him on his one action of withdrawl, while he's done so much for them in the past.

i don't mean to offend anyone if anything i stated was wrong, like i said, i don't claim to know much. i just wanted to point out that one thing, that just because someone does one thing or even somethings that we disapprove of, doesn't mean that everything they've done before that moment becomes immediately annulled.

i'm afraid of death;

2012-02-12T18:39:00.003+08:00

not my own death, although that is somewhat terrifying seeing as i'm not as good of a person that i could be, but death on my hands. this is why i could never be a doctor, i could never be a vet.

how people be so comfortable digging graves by the swish of a pen?

i don't want to be afraid. i want to be fearless, like my father.
i asked him, what are you afraid of?
his answer was, i have nothing to fear for but Allah Himself.

holiday progress;

2012-02-12T13:31:00.000+08:00

let's see how well i've done:

painting: two days of painting birds, then nothing.
guitar: tuned guitar like 7 times, trying to learn rocket (yuna), can't help falling in love (elvis), anyone else but you (moldy peaches), no success so far, but progress nonetheless
sewing: made a little tshirt out of an old headscarf.. cut and pinned pieces for a tiny baju kurung, never finished
crochet: haven't touched it in about a year, even though i planned to, lost the needle thing, whatever it's called. remind me to buy a new one
cooking: basically have only made maggi and fried eggs since i got here, not entirely my fault though, grams likes to do the cooking
reading: read one book, the sirens of baghdad, but made negative 5 progress cuz i bought 6 new books
drawing: haven't drawn or even sketched since i got here, no that's a lie, i did some crude figure sketches but i threw them away
gardening: i planted some (a lot actually) of chilli seeds, and they've sprouted :) also planted some flower seeds but nothing. have done some weeding but not enough

i feel like a sim with skill points, at this rate i'll never complete my "life goal"

somebody i don't know;

2012-02-12T13:10:00.003+08:00

i don't remember when, but i think a few months ago, a stranger posted some comments on my blog, and i was like hey, that's pretty cool i guess. and i promptly check out her blog and the blogs she followed. but then i totally forgot bout it. i just rediscovered the comments and again looked at the blogs she followed and found: http://www.urbansketchers.org/

it's amazing! the actual artwork and the concept itself! am definitely going to find more urban sketchers :) i wish i had that kind of talent.

also, something to add;

2012-02-12T10:52:00.000+08:00

still on about hindi movies; i know there are certain hindi movies that are.. more "modern" lets say, and are more "physical" with their affection. but for the most part, (or at least the ones i've watched) what i like, is that their love, is love; and not lust.

kuch kuch hota hai;

2012-02-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

i wanted to write about this about a month ago when i watched another hindi movie, but the moment passed since i didn't have internet. today i watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, what a good movie. i love hindi movies. bollywood. it's great. i love the drama, the ever present love triangles, the beautiful women, the good looking men, the language, the energy, the color, the dancing, the humor, the slow-mos. wouldn't it be so fun to be in bollywood movie? good workout plan fo sho. and they always have a happy endings, well.. for the main characters at least. some poor character is always the martyr.

the other movie i watched was Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna, also with Shahrukh Khan and Rani Mukherjee (from KKHH) it was also good. the reason i mention it is because most of the movie took place in new york city, so when they had dance scenes the backup dancers were locals. lol.. somehow, when indians dance, even if their moves look ridiculous, as a group, they look good and it's somewhat normal. but when the backup dancers were, well, americans, they looked a bit silly.. especially the men. i'm not saying people that aren't indian can't pull of indian dances, i've watched so you think you can dance and i don't doubt that people can pull it off, but in a big group like that? it was kinda funny. but that's what i like about the hindi movies, i like how the women dance and the men dance and they prance and they sing and they can still look cool. today, watching KKHH, there was this scene where shahrukh was singing at this place in the middle of nowhere, jumping around, and it wasn't weird at all. but when zac efron did it in highschool musical 3, it was so laughable. (no disrespect zac, i like you.)

isn't it great how i'm on first name bases with everybody? haha :)

soo..

2012-02-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

basically mubin shah should just jump into my pocket and stay there,
just heard his cover of Sure Thing by Miguel,
melted.

you would think;

2012-02-11T20:43:00.000+08:00

how do i have so much time to blog if i have i real social life outside of the cyber world?
the answer is, i don't have a real social life outside the cyber world,
and even the cyber world is rejecting me.
#dejected

no fear, waves are washing me.
i'm about to drive in the ocean,
ima try to swim from something bigger than me
kick off my shoes, swim good.
take off this suit, swim good.
-frank ocean.

khadijah;

2012-02-11T19:56:00.000+08:00

Haiko In Words: Fringe Police

haiko; the likelihood of you ever reading this is slim, but i'll say it here anyway. when i look at you, i feel good. i feel calm and i feel like your modesty is so admirable. you're soft spoken and so sweet and i'm sure your parents can breathe easy having a daughter like you. also, maarie has a good role model to look up to. i know i haven't seen you in a long time, so i hope you're doing well and making yourself happy. i know you're not perfect, but that doesn't mean anything. you inspire me :)

finally something to say;

2012-02-10T21:00:00.001+08:00

i was in this driving lecture this morning, thinking about how i haven't written a long blog post in a while. or at least it feels like a while. and just now i remembered something that i've been meaning to blog about. but first, i had my first practical driving lesson today! cool. i should get my L next week :)

driving school today.

back to my topic. what i wanted to write about is how i'm a very defensive person. i will get worked up about defending all sorts of things, even if it has nothing do to with me. like if someone says something bad about someone and i don't agree with or that i simply don't like being said, i really start to get emotional and defend that person like i know them so well, when most of the time i don't. and not just that, i mean i get defensive over all kinds of useless things, when i pick i side it's like i must defend it with my life! also i do this thing that when i pretend to do something, like being play upset or when i play fight, sometimes i just get carried away and then actually just get upset and i'm like damn.

okay, i guess i don't really feel like ranting. before, when i wanted to write about this, i felt i had so much to say.

sometimes i feel like i'm drowning;

2012-02-10T17:16:00.000+08:00

I’m right here
Five minutes at a time I’m gone
I can breathe only to deep
So take me out to the surface
Take me out to the surface
And I won’t dream for fear of sleep
Take me out to the surface
Take me out to the surface

Could you see beyond the lease
It was me who you were searching
Take you out to the surface
I was lost but I was free
It took the pain to remind me
We loved you every time
We loved you every time

I’m right here
Five minutes at a time I’m gone
I can’t relate to what I say
Cause I’m not myself
I can’t relate to what I say
Cause I’m not myself
I can’t relate to what I say
Cause I’m not myself, I’m not
Five minutes at a time I’m gone
I’m right here
Five minutes at a time I’m gone

(Five Minutes by Scattered Trees)
i clicked this on my laptop last night, and i love it. i'm not sure whether one of my friends told me to listen to this song, or whether i just coincidentally found it on youtube, but it's great, and i feel like it feels that i feel that i'm drowning. listen to it please! i won't link you because my internet is being too slow for youtube.

this was inti yesterday;

2012-02-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

this was at nilai springs, clearly. the roads were nice, but apparently the weather was really dry and a fire started and it was quite wide spread :( the remains of all the burnt trees continued for a few hundred meters, how tragic.

birds for friends;

2012-02-09T21:43:00.000+08:00

i had to go to nilai yesterday to get some documents certified and stuff, yet another opportunity for me to visit friends in nilai :) since i was painting birds, i got the brilliant idea of painting birds with the personalities that suit some of my friends. and i'm sorry but when i finished painting it was already 3am and i had to be up by 6am, so i couldn't finish all the birds i wanted and also i forgot about some people, i apologize. here are the birds i painted:

new paint brushes :)

2012-02-07T14:03:00.000+08:00

alhey!

2012-02-06T19:18:00.000+08:00

oops, it seems this blog has a lot of pictures now, where have all the words gone!
quick! think of something witty to say..........................

sometimes i'm into poetry;

2012-02-06T19:15:00.000+08:00

sometimes i'm into paintings;

franz marc:

unknown, sorry :(

gerald hendriks:

i present you abby diamond and her works (amazing!) :

how do the clouds taste;

2012-02-06T18:17:00.001+08:00

indonesia;

2012-02-06T00:46:00.000+08:00

i can feel their eyes burn through me;

2012-02-05T19:35:00.003+08:00

what kind of magic is this?

molly brill.

most people lose their keys;

2012-02-05T11:39:00.000+08:00

we managed to lose.. a fish. two fish to be precise.
see, a while ago i went to go visit my great uncle right?
well he gave us seven fish, or so i thought.
we had two fish container things,
four fish in one, three in the other.
next time i counted, there were only three fish in each tank.
i ask me grandma? she says everyday when she cleaned the tanks,
she only saw three in each.
so i said okay, maybe i miscounted in the beginning.
so yesterday, i went out with my.. something like a cousin.

and we got home at like two, so i slept over at her house.
my grandma was there too.
when i woke my grandma was gone,
back home, no doubt.
(two houses down)
and i too, went home before my "cousin" woke.
and my grandma tells me,
"when i got home, a fish was on the floor,
the tank was opened, but i saved it"
and i counted the fish again,
there were five.
we search everywhere,
and no body was found,
where is the missing fish?
where are the missing fish?
how does one lose fish..?

strangely at this moment;

2012-02-04T02:04:00.000+08:00

i feel like a single rose on a little planet with nothing to protect me but my four thorns.
and at night it gets cold out.

i just have to say;

2012-02-03T14:59:00.000+08:00

ash, misty and brock were the best.

hands down.

may ain't got nothin' on misty,

and dawn, like whut, who are you,

not even in the same league, kbye.

hoho.

this is what i did today;

2012-02-03T13:31:00.000+08:00

wearing my brother's shirt. basically i just take anything that's in the closet. and i ATE that leaf. it's not like a random leaf from a tree mind you, it's a vegetable. yay me for surviving that.

i bought this cute ass mini butcher knife. why? no idea.

eating scrambled eggs;

2012-02-02T18:37:00.002+08:00

i just finished the tissue box that i opened only a few days ago.
ah, the attractions of a sick person.

something interesting enough;

2012-02-02T15:32:00.002+08:00

this is cool way of looking at my blog :) and toggling with the options is cool.

how does this even happen?

2012-02-02T11:42:00.001+08:00

so i was eating.. brunch just now. and remember how i told you my tooth hurt months ago because of my growing wisdom tooth? well a couple of weeks ago i noticed part of my backmost molar was kinda like.. cracked and movable but hurt like a ***** i don't know what. and i could always taste blood in my mouth but as long as i didn't touch it, it was fine. then back to today, i was eating and as usual, chewing on the other side when i felt something weird when i closed my mouth. the tooth piece.. broke off. and now i have 3/4 of molar left. fantastic. really. i suspect it cracked due to the pressure bring exerted on it by the wisdom tooth trying to come out or something? what.ever. now i have a quarter of a tooth on my table. but i'm not gonna take a picture cuz.. yeah and also my phone camera sucks. cool..

cosmic love;

2012-02-02T02:31:00.002+08:00

from north to south;

2012-02-02T01:44:00.002+08:00

seeing red;

2012-01-31T23:50:00.000+08:00

batu pahat; johor.

caught up!

2012-01-31T22:42:00.000+08:00

click "january 2012" on the side there or you can just click that and keep reading until you're all caught up, i just finished updating my blog for those that i wrote while i didn't have internet. actually i wrote more but i didn't publish them all because a lot are just not relevant anymore or simply not worth the read hoho.

welcome february! in some parts of the world. lol.

i'm cold as cold as cold can be;

2012-01-31T18:11:00.001+08:00

musings;

2012-01-30T20:01:00.001+08:00

that's it;

2012-01-30T19:10:00.001+08:00

there was this moment;

2012-01-29T14:48:00.000+08:00

this weekend i went to my great uncle's house whose existence i had overlooked. and today i was sitting in this little gazeebo hut thing he built under a mango tree, watching him make a little bench out of scrap wood for my grandma (his older sister) and they were talking and he asked me if i've ever seen my great grandmother (his mother) i said yes! i remember her and said her name and everything else i could remember about her. and he said to me, look, i have a picture of her in my wallet and he pulls out a black and white photocopy of my late great grandmother's ID card, laminated. and the look on his face, i remember. then he showed my grandmother and there it was again, that same look and there was this moment, there they both just looked at the picture, both around 70 years old, and admired the woman in the photograph. that is how i want my future kids (insyaAllah) to look at a picture of me when i'm long gone. because then, wherever i am, i'll know i've done something right.

i don't like children;

2012-01-27T17:19:00.022+08:00

i don't like babies either.

it's not that i don't like children at all, like to play with kids and i talk nicely and i think most kids are really cute. and a lot of the times i love to kind of study the minds of the innocent younger generations because they haven't yet been corrupted by the cruelties of the world. some of them at least. many children are exposed to the disaster that is real life much too young and far before they should have to carry the burden of truth and knowledge. but anyways. i like to talk to them and i genuinely feel good and even proud when a kid wants to change the world for the better with some sort of scheme. and kids with their dreams of being doctors and firemen, i love it all. so why do i say i don't like children? i don't (usually) like children that i know personally and that i have to put up with for long periods of time. maybe little cousins or other relatives or neighbors. even a lot of time with my own little siblings; and i'm not proud to say it. but i believe i have to right to maintain my opinion and as i've said before, i really don't like it when people tell me how to feel. not everybody's the same, and what would the world be if we were?
my dislike towards children does not mean i wouldn't be a good mother. i feel INSULTED that that would ever come into question. if ever God blessed me with a family of my own, mark my words i would love then more than anything but God Himself. obviously there would be times when i am upset or annoyed or angry but all mothers would and it's how that is handled is what makes a good parent. (in part)

why don't i like children, because they want to be dependent on other people. I KNOW for at least the kids that i know and can't stand, that they are smart and brilliant and more than capable of doing half the things that they dote on other people to do for them. i'm not oblivious, i was once a kid too. probably with all the same quirks and annoyances. that doesn't mean i have to enjoy it now, and sincerely, some kids are fantastic. they are so polite and considerate and many try to be as independent as they can, but many are not. and i get ANGRY when people only blame their parents for how their children and teenagers and even adults turned out. a parent can only do so much, when you're a kid, parents do hold most of the responsibility for how you turn out but further than that, once a kid goes to school, what with friends and television and the internet and even people on the streets, how can we put sole blame on parents. i also say this because whatever bad i have in me, the things i'm not proud of, or things i regret. in no way can i or will i blame my parents for not educating me enough or protecting me or whatever. i have myself to blame. it's as simple as that. i often think. who have i become, this is not who my parents raised me to be.

also kids are annoying because they are often mean and thoughtless and being so young, we usually can't blame them or take them accountable for certain things they do and say but that doesn't undo the damage done. also kids are so annoying in getting everything they desire and having everyone run to their aid when they cry. it's annoying and i often ignore them because;
1) i can tell when they're just being dumb and faking it (ahem my little brother every.single.day)
2)its good to cry. it's good to know how to cry and that you can't always get what you want and that not everything's going to be delivered at your feet.
3)kids are so MENGADE. which is a perfect for for this but english doesn't have an appropriate translation.

i don't like babies either.
why? they're really boring. seriously, don't lie. babies are boring.
CUTE, yes. very. with their huge eyeballs and cheeks and fuzzy hair. my favorite part is their tiny fingers and toes. but what do you do with a baby? you watch it, poke it, carry it, put it down, change it, stare at it, STARE AT IT, STARE AT IT, smile at it, watch it stare at you forever, play peek-a-boo forever, they never get tired of it. it's ridiculous how cute a babies laugh is but how long can you do the same thing for? also, they're so fragile and breakable. mostly boring though. and then the cry. crying, it's awful. normal crying is fine, i can stand it, but babies scream their lungs out and us, not being their mothers, can't differentiate the cries and are helpless and i feel really SAD for the baby because it can't talk or communicate to us in any other way.

boom. call me a bad person.

today i'm in kuala lumpur;

2012-01-25T16:43:00.001+08:00

hello. pardon the absence but as i have previously explained, i didn't have internet access. today i'm sad. today i broke my get healthy plan, but only while i'm here on "holidays" I MISS EVERYBODY. okay cool. i have lots of blog posts written on my laptop yayyy.

at the bus stop;

2012-01-24T17:13:00.001+08:00

lifeless;

2012-01-24T09:43:00.002+08:00

so these past two days i was watching vampire diaries. which i actually started watching like when everyone was all hyped about it and vampires and then after season one i simply refused to watch season two. because too many of the characters annoyed me and i had just about enough of vampires. but then a few months ago, when presented with the opportunity to aquire seasons 2 and half of season 3, i took it anyway cuz i knew i'd be bored here in melaka and i did want to know what happened. so i watched it, and it's not bad, it's pretty good although a lot of the characters still annoy me. but you know what's the thing that i keep noticing? they have a really good soundtrack.

i have anger management issues;

2012-01-23T13:39:00.002+08:00

you'd only know that if you lived with me or dated me.
or if you're unfortunate enough to know me well enough.

2012-01-10T22:30:00.002+08:00

cats remind me of dragons.

reality vs fiction;

2012-01-10T11:11:00.000+08:00

i have these memories that i think i've had. of going to this sort of weekend muslim school or something like that, when i used to live in australia all those years ago. and i remember or think i do, buying snacks during recesses. but i feel like the memory is so distant that i might have made it up.

(Asks dad) he says that it really did happen but that we only went a few times because it wasn't like, professional and he didn't want somebody teaching us wrong things if it has to do with religion.

the reason i doubt my own memory is because i often have these memories i feel so confident about but then it turns out they never happened, or at least never happened to me. maybe to a friend or on tv, but that i took it into my memory as my own.

i also remember watching this movie ages and ages ago. or at least i think i did. i remember it to be arabic or something, actually now that i think of it it might have been indian but i think it was about Islam, so it was probably middle eastern. it was called.. children.. something something. it was about a brother and sister going to islamic school. if i'm not mistaken they were orphans? and one day the boy got pushed into the gutter or something and his shoes get wet and when he gets to school he gets scolded. the movie's been with me for a long long time now but i can barely remember it and i can't even be sure it exists. how sad.

something to leave you with;

2012-01-09T19:53:00.001+08:00

2012-01-08T23:11:00.002+08:00

the more that i record myself and the more that i listen to myself singing, the less i believe that people are being honest when they say i sing well.

you know what's awesome;

2012-01-08T19:39:00.000+08:00

condensed milk
nuff said.

it's a nice day to go kite flying.

2012-01-08T12:43:00.001+08:00

so there's this thing i do;

2012-01-06T22:13:00.001+08:00

whenever i want to do something, but i don't feel like listening to music, i decide to watch a movie. so i have a compilation of movies that i have yet to watch and certain movies require a certain mood to watch it in. sometimes i do get these moods, but then the urge to do whatever else it is is stronger than that mood. so i decide to watch a movie that i've already watched, so i don't have to pay much attention to it, and can just listen to it and watch bits and pieces yet still be able to do whatever i want to do. however, i'm so easily distracted and that's how i end up watching the same movies over and over again because eventually i'll put all my attention in the movie and forget about my.. task. like right now. hoho. viking accents are nice.

curiousity;

2012-01-06T21:34:00.001+08:00

curiousity;
found this today, was deleting and reorganizing files in my laptop, and i can't remember at all who i wrote it for!

hi.
what do i think of you?
i thinkk, that, you're pretty great :)
though, i think, that sometimes, you try too hard.
which, we have established, that time i was "yelling" at you on the phone, haha.
which, i still don't understand.
but okay. haha.
i thinkk, that you're one of the sweetest people i know,
but i find it funny you're so cheesy :P but its cute, haha.
i think that you're in way too deep,
but i joke :D
i think that you're very persevered! which is good,
cuz i give up quite easily :P
i think thatt, you have this level of immaturity that you tend to reach,
but i think you get there on purpose.
its cute the first time around, haha.
i think you're naturally smart, which i like, i like em smart :P
but, i think you take advantange of it and that you should study.
i think, you're emotional, which is goodd, compared to the walls out there, haha.
i think i'll stop now.
lala, i think i'm into you :O

if i did in fact write this and send this to someone, and miraculously (albeit unlikely) they read this post, i'm sorry i forgot! and also.. i'm going to go crawl in a hole now.

hunger for knowledge;

2012-01-06T21:05:00.003+08:00

knowing i'd be stuck in melaka for an unknown number of months, not knowing when or if i would get internet in this house, i loaded my laptop with things to pass the time and to enjoy myself! i saved a lot of animal fun facts, woots! those who know me, brace yourselves, you're gonna be getting a lot more from me :) i've got new material now. and also i saved some classic books on my laptop (e-books) although i don't think i'll probably get around to reading those, don't want to completely ruin my eyesight (yet here i am typing in the dark.. *switches on lights*) also, i like real books, the flipping of the paper, and the smell and the sound and everything :D also i saved like a bajillion quotes from people that i find inspirational and so i've got that to read through. also i saved lyrics to a lot of songs and also the chords to some simpler songs so hopefully i can improve on my guitarring :O alsoo i saved some harmonica stuff hoho, i don't think that's going to go anywhere really. lastly! i saved lots of recipes for baked goods hoho. also i want to work on my crochet and my painting! and also i've got lots of cross word puzzles and number puzzles and cryptograms to decipher. hoho, nerd mucho? me gusta :D

The memory span of goldfish is just about 3 seconds.
my brother said apparently mythbusters busted this myth?

just a thought;

2012-01-06T15:40:00.002+08:00

you know that saying? the road the hell is paved with good intentions? what do you think? i suppose it could be true, although no one can really judge fully because no one can know who will or won't go to heaven or hell. but it seems possible. for example, say a person is trying to do something good, (the good intention) like studying or praying or teaching or whatever. and then someone else is being disruptive or loud, the person with the good intentions could (if annoyed enough, not saying would) lose their temper or yell or whatever. and that alone, although may not seem like much or anything (or it does) still adds as sins on our shoulders (i suppose) and that's just on the small scale.

just, the phrase came to mind to me when i was washing the dishes just now because i just watched bits of this movie (like so many malay movies before it) where the main character gets seduced by the devil to do all this shit, usually prostitution, drugs, all this other stuff (there are soo many movies about this, you know how they all end) and towards the end all this bad stuff happens, karma. and in the end either the main character dies and before he does, tries to repent and stuff. or, just realizes his mistakes and stuff and repents and becomes super religious and but by then it's too late cuz they've alienated (or indirectly/directly killed) every one they love.

general knowledge;

2012-01-05T19:32:00.000+08:00

just ef to the why eye,
if ever you want to get me a present,
not that anyone probably would,
don't get me a teddy bear.
not that i don't like teddy bears, i do.
but, there's no thought in it,
i have a lot of them,
i move around too much,
and there's nothing really do with them.
if ever you want to get me a present,
even a letter would suffice :)
please get me something with some thought into it,
or something random and cute,
just not a teddy bear.

conversation about squidward;

2012-01-04T21:36:00.000+08:00

my little sister: squidward's a sixtopus!
me: a whut?
my little sister: a sixtopus cuz he has six legs! geddit? oh no! he's a hextopus!
me: ... he's a squid. his name is SQUIDward.
my little sister and older brother: i thought squids had ten legs.

perpendicular;

2012-01-04T19:30:00.001+08:00

when the plane takes off and as the angle between the plane and the ground increases, i love to look out the window. i like the feeling of sitting down and not being parallel to the ground. for that same reason, i like twisty upside down rides in amusement parks. i like the feeling when my stomach drops back to normality.

the exits are there, there and there;

2012-01-04T12:27:00.002+08:00

flying from jakarta back to kuala lumpur was a mess of an experience. actually it wasn't all that bad, but there were these few minutes or ridiculous confusing. see, the flight is supposed to take around 2 hours, and i was sitting next to some random man on the plane, so i went to sleep after reading the on flight magazine a bit and only woke up when the food was being served. and of course i woke up when the plane was landing. only to be greeted with my mother's confused face, asking me "where are we?" so confidently i said, kl of course. and she says, cuz i saw soekarno-hatta written there. i told her not to be ridiculous, and that maybe it's just like a plane terminal, labelled by its arrival locations, doubting that was true, stealing glances through the airplane windows, unsure of myself. i too saw the sign, and my mom claimed to see the distinct colorful twisted mosque near the jakarta airport, i was like, nah, it was probably something else, myself being unsure of the lcct airport. then, i spotted some bluebird taxi's on the highway we were passing, definitely still in jakarta. i was like WHAT? my mom's like I TOLD YOU! and then a voice rang through the plane, welcome to jakarta. i honestly felt like i had fallen asleep and woken up in the twilight zone. turns out there was something wrong with the plane (it was already halfway to its destination when they realized) so they turned back, and landed back in jakarta. where we had to wait an hour or so for a new plane to take us where we wanted to go. all was well after that. (Alhamdulillah.)

a thought that occurred to me when we were in the air,
can birds fly upside down? because i was looking at the clouds and i was thinking of the ocean, and i thought, technically, can't we swim upside down? by that i don't mean like breast-stroke or back-stroke on the surface of the water, i mean while submerged, wouldn't it be possible to swim freestyle or anything really, upside down? because water, like the sky, isn't like the ground. it isn't, one sided (i don't mean literally. i know the earth's layer, the "crust', is kilometers thick, try to get my flow here) say we were swimming with out eyes closed and we started spinning, spinning until we didn't know what was up or down (i'm aware that gravity would pull us downwards, therefore you'd know what is down) wouldn't it be even SLIGHTLY possible that we could swim upside down? and therefore wouldn't birds be able to fly upside down? don't you think it would be possible? i'll definitely try (if i remember) the next time i go swimming. or is gravity simply too strong, and are we simply just too used to it?

the mothership awaits;

2012-01-03T09:02:00.000+08:00

going to the airport in a while, destination: grandmother's house. ergo, no internet for i don't know how long. but that's okay, as usual, if i have something to say, i'll type it up, and when i finally do get internet, a surplus of posts will await you :) kind of excited to go back to see if i have mail! :D fingers crossed, postage people don't fail me now. i don't want a repeat of what went down with papua new guinea all those years ago. hopefully while i'm in melaka i'll get my drivers license, and that's the plan for now, we'll see how everything else pans out. so, for those of you still on holiday, enjoy this last week or so, and all the best for your new semesters and stuff! <3

when it's spring the petals will fall at 5 centimeters per second;

2012-01-03T03:12:00.000+08:00

at that moment it felt like i finally understood where everything was; eternity, the heart, the soul. it was like i was sharing every experience i have ever had in my thirteen years. and then in the next moment, i became unbearably sad, i didn't know what to do with these feelings, her warmth, her soul; how was i supposed to treat them? that i didnt know. and right then i clearly understood that we would never be together. our lives, not yet fully realized, the fast expanse of time, it lay before us and there was nothing we could do. but then all of my worries, all of my doubt, started melting away, all that was left were akari's soft lips on mine. [...] before that kiss and after that kiss, it felt like just about everything in the world had suddenly changed. i knew without a doubt that the only thing i wanted was the power to protect her, and so thinking only about that, i continued to watch the scenery outside the window.

if you weren't real, i would make you up;

2012-01-02T22:52:00.001+08:00

hidden in plain sight;

2012-01-02T21:10:00.001+08:00

here's something that i always do, if i'm in a bathroom or a room with textured walls or non-identical tiles (not mosaic) or just shadows cast on a wall or floor, i kinda just stare at it until a picture forms. a face or an animal, or something. and its entertaining the things your brain can see find out of nothing. and then i'll look away and look back at the same spot and see if i can still see the same picture, usually it changes. which is pretty cool.

martin luther king jr;

2012-01-01T16:13:00.002+08:00

One day,
Youngsters will learn words they will not understand,
Children from India will ask: "What is hunger?"
Children from Alabama will ask: "What is racial segregation?"
Children from Hiroshima will ask: "What is the atomic bomb?"
Children at school will ask: "What is war?"
You will answer them, you will tell them:"Those are words not used any more,
Like 'stage-coaches', 'galleys' or 'slavery',
Words no longer meaningful,
That is why they have been removed from dictionaries."

from my teacher's facebook status.

planning for the future;

2012-01-01T15:58:00.001+08:00

my next profile picture if i remember and once i get bored of my current one.

sorry bro if i always only obsess about le other bro (sister)

i love you too! :)

child of humor;

2012-01-01T04:05:00.001+08:00

i'm a funny kid, ima go ahead and say that.
my parents are also funny people, maybe not in the way they intend,
but the outcome is funny nontheless.
they are also, really cute (i probably inherited that too, hoho, nah i'm kiding)
today we were at this restaurant,
and when their food came,
they each took half of each others food.
aand that probably doesn't SOUND (look) very cute,
but it was, trust me.

reach for the moon, so if you fall, you'll be amongst the stars;

2012-01-01T02:44:00.001+08:00

I am going to look at the stars. They are so far away, and their light takes so long to reach us. All we ever see of stars are their old photographs [...] I am watching the stars, admiring their complex trajectories through space and time. I am trying to give a name to the force that set them in motion. -watchmen

terrible to travel with;

2012-01-01T02:29:00.001+08:00

i'm one of those people who can probably be great to travel with sometimes, but usually not.

1) i really talk a lot, and it's probably really annoying but.. i do it anyway, because you know, you go on a trip you wanna have fun and you want to have conversation. if people don't talk, i talk enough for the whole lot of us.

2) which leads me to two, if not, i'll just be really really quiet, and stare out the window the whole time. it's either really talkative or not talkative at all, not much in between.

3) then there's the third option; i fall asleep. which i do, a lot. cars make me really sleepy, but hey, there's a scientific explanation to that, although it seems to apply to me more often than it does to others, usually doesn't happen on the way to things cuz at that point i'm really excited or if i'm in a quiet mood, then i'll be awake, but i might as well be sleeping. but on the way BACK from places, there's a very high chance that i will fall asleep. see, some people have this thing, where if they're tired and sleepy, they can hold it in and control it until they're so dead sleepy they're like zombies walking around all confused and stuff, but in any case they'll still be awake. me? i don't have that, i can fall asleep anytime, if i'm sleepy, i'll most likely fall asleep. in class, during a conversation, watching a movie, riding in a car especially, reading a book, seriously. and i can fall asleep anywhere too. on the couch, on the floor, on anybody's bed, on the table, at lunch, at dinner once, yeahh. it's a terrible affliction. but i also do this thing, where when i sleep, i can wake up really easily most times, assuming i haven't been sleeping for hours, that might be an issue. and depending on my mood, i can be snoring and in an apparent deep sleep one minute and be chattering away the next. a few days of that though, and i need some real sleep. but yeah, i snore, how unattractive. i didn't used to snore, but apparently i do most the times now. oh well.

let's wrap it up;

2012-01-01T01:30:00.001+08:00

so a few years ago i wrote about the ending of a year and how i felt that that year was my most enjoyable so far. i feel this year has topped that. so many things happened this year that have just been really awesome and also some things have been total disasters but hey, everything worked out in the end.

so technically, following certain calenders today is the beginning of a new year, but to me that means nothing. it's similar to my sentiments towards birthdays, although i think birthdays have slightly more significance as minimally they celebrate a personal triumph of having survived another year. but to me, new years isn't really.. much. i don't feel like it's a specific time when people want to change and when people set all these life goals for themselves and all this nonsense. it's just a year, and it's just a year under one (or a few) belief systems, so why should it really make a difference to us, what are we celebrating really? why on this day of all days should we suddenly decide to change or start something new for ourselves? why not on any day and why not stick to it? and then, once that's been achieved, if another year passes, then by all means celebrate the anniversary of that accomplishment, as long as you have something to celebrate.

anyways, getting back on track.
this year feels like it was a short year, time flew by so quickly and suddenly it's january again. i spent the majority of this year living alone in the college hostels, although i wouldn't exactly call it alone because my friends were never far. and that was really an awesome experience, even though i had already been living there for half a year before that, i feel like i didn't really live it up until this year. and i met and got close with a bunch of awesome people and i hope you guys will stay close for a many years to come ^^

this is what's new;

2011-12-30T22:11:00.000+08:00

so i kinda wanna try playing the harmonica :)

white chocolate is the best! :D

i learnt how to make a paper praying mantis :)

endlessly; (muse)

2011-12-30T21:33:00.001+08:00

so, today i watched 500 days of summer again, it was on tv. i love that movie because it's not all that cliche, and nowadays that's not that common, also, it has an awesome soundtrack. thinking of that movie, basically one of the ending scenes, remind me of the infinite possibilities in.. well life in general. and that also includes like, the people you meet. everything is just based on circumstance and timing and the decisions we make, except its not. there are a bunch of other factors that we simply cannot control. obviously i can't control what you'll decide to do or the next person, and your actions may or may not influence my actions. and i can't control the weather or the temperature or a lot of things, we've just got to leave certain things to God and science but does all that stuff add up to fate and one's destiny to meet another? i'm not a believer in soul mates and just one person made for another because that just doesn't make sense to me. i'm just in a believer in chance, coincidence and effort.

excerpt from: The Land of Heart's Desire by William Butler Yeats

2011-12-30T01:46:00.001+08:00

Come, faeries, take me out of this dull house!
Let me have all the freedom I have lost;
Work when I will and idle when I will!
Faeries, come take me out of this dull world,
For I would ride with you upon the wind,
Run on the top of the dishevelled tide,
And dance upon the mountains like a flame.

from the dweeb who follows push and pull signs on doors;

2011-12-27T01:16:00.001+08:00

i like the sound of markers moving across paper.

the anniversary of my birth;

2011-12-24T01:31:00.001+08:00

in a few hours, it will be the time of the anniversary of my birth. has never really been a big deal for me because it just marks one revolution of the earth around the sun that i've still been living. while that's a lot to be thankful for, why only celebrate the passing of 365 days (which is pretty random if you think about it), when we should be thankful every day, every hour, every breath. right?

don't teach me a lesson cuz i've already learned;

2011-12-23T01:33:00.001+08:00

haven't heard this song in ages.

we lost faith;

2011-12-22T17:37:00.000+08:00

falling from high places,
falling through lost spaces,
now that we're lonely,
now that there's nowhere to go.
watching from both sides,
these clock towers burning up,
i lost my time here, i lost my patience with it all.

we lost faith, in the arms of love.

ben howard ~the wolves.

keeping it cool one time,

2011-12-18T01:14:00.001+08:00

lol the top two are from art in 9th grade or so, and the last one is from a rly long time ago i don't know when, but i never finished! so maybe i will before i leave jtown :) but it's pretty.. off, soo. maybe i'll just start over.

on the menu today :D

2011-12-17T18:21:00.002+08:00

chocolate eclairs, woohoo! :) yum

mike check;

2011-12-17T03:34:00.000+08:00

i feel like singing some paramore right about now,
where's friends and karaoke when you want it?

this is not deja vu, i've never met somebody like you;

2011-12-16T21:10:00.000+08:00

go youtube:

chasing rubies by harry and alfie

hey i miss you guys :(

i remember this one time;

2011-12-15T00:30:00.001+08:00

we had this function in school and on each table there were white carnations. at the time those were my favorite flowers and they still are one of my favorites. anyway, at the end of the day i took a flower off each table and walked with my sister to Ampang Point (a sort of mall near school) to eat some mcD and get a cab home. anyways, as we left mcD i left a white carnation on each table and i felt good. about that. but then my sister was like, the workers are just gonna think that its another mess to clean on each table.

also, just watched beastly.
you know in a lot of movies they show people playing some golf on top of rooftops,
what happens to the golf balls,
isn't that going to kill someone?

yeah i'm asian too;

2011-12-13T19:37:00.001+08:00

sweet and sour chicken.

beef and potato curry puffs (empanadas).

fish curry, fried fish, and sweet and sour beef.

all in a days work hoho

preach it;

2011-12-13T17:17:00.002+08:00

food today;

2011-12-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

they're not really that's dark, and yummy in any case with butter :)

hanging on for dear life, he was still yummy.

i should probably have a "food" label, but i'm so lazy to go back through them all.

shopping today;

2011-12-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

nine for my sister, seven for me :)

boxes and cellophane tape;

2011-12-12T21:27:00.001+08:00

i've just rediscovered one of my dad's books, it's called "Dare to Fail". i was actually looking for my marvelous copy og "Life of Pi" but i can't find it :( the disadvantages of moving so much. things always get lost in translation. anyway, this book is.. very thought provoking. it's a lot of quotes and sayings and stuff and the author's point of view or interpretation of it. from the title you can deduce that it's about the value of failure. will finish reading it and let you know how it is :)

Be the Best of Whatever You Are by Douglas Mallock

If you can't be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley — but be
The best little scrub by the side of the rill;
Be a bush if you can't be a tree.

If you can't be a bush be a bit of the grass,
And some highway happier make;
If you can't be a muskie then just be a bass —
But the liveliest bass in the lake!

We can't all be captains, we've got to be crew,
There's something for all of us here,
There's big work to do, and there's lesser to do,
And the task you must do is the near.

If you can't be a highway then just be a trail,
If you can't be the sun be a star;
It isn't by size that you win or you fail —
Be the best of whatever you are!

furry things;

2011-12-12T18:16:00.000+08:00

ho hohoho ho ho. yesterday i watched like an hour of a show about.. kittens :D

gabrielle aplin, home.

2011-12-11T21:26:00.001+08:00

I’m a phoenix in the water
A fish that’s learnt to fly
And I’ve always been a daughter
But feathers are meant for the sky
So I’m wishing, wishing further
For the excitement to arrive
It’s just I’d rather be causing the chaos
Than living at the sharp end of this knife

With every small disaster
I’ll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real
'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
where you go when you’re alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It’s not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we’re together, does it matter where we go?
Home
Home

So when I’m ready to be bolder,
And my cuts have healed with time
Comfort will rest on my shoulder
And I’ll bury my future behind
I’ll always keep you with me
You’ll be always on my mind
But there’s a shining in the shadows
I’ll never know unless I try.

totally crushing

on her

now

don quixote;

2011-12-11T18:54:00.001+08:00

“I would do what I pleased, and doing what I pleased, I should have my will, and having my will, I should be contented; and when one is contented, there is no more to be desired; and when there is no more to be desired, there is an end of it.”

a world without friction;

2011-12-11T12:51:00.000+08:00

so today i went ice skating for a few hours, and admittedly it wasn't that fun because i went with my two little siblings who don't know how to skate and well, i didn't have the initiative to try anything new because i didn't have "moral support." so basically i was just going around in circles and helping the little ones keep their balance and stuff. i hadn't gone ice skating since the week before i left argentina, wow. this picture is from that day. the two friends i went with, whose pictures i can't find right now, were wearing boas and long stripey socks and sunglasses and cat ears. that was a good day. it was a good.. era, if you can call it that. a much simpler time. but we all have to grow up some day.

anyway, i realized that i like friction. literally, friction, as in roller blades vs ice skating. like, when there's friction it feels like there's something to push off from, something to propel you to move forward, and that's the same with life i guess. all the things you face in life, in the end only push you forward in life. or backwards, its just a matter of how you handle it.

color;

2011-12-11T01:17:00.001+08:00

When I was born, I was black.
When I grow up, I'm black.
When I'm ill, I'm black.
When I go out in the sun, I'm black.
When I'm cold, I'm black.
When I die, I'm black.

But you -

When you're born, you're pink.
When you grow up, you're white.
When you're ill, you're green.
When you go out in the sun, you go red.
When you're cold, you go blue.
When you die, you're purple.

And you have the nerve to call me colored?

malcolm x?

to be honestly i only knew of malcolm x by name til now because i never really read anything about him or even bothered to know why was it that i even knew his name. i just now read a quick bio of him, and this only by coincidence because i've known of this poem for a few years now, but i didn't know it was something he said (if indeed it is something he said).

a knight's tale;

2011-12-11T01:09:00.000+08:00

It is strange to think, I have not seen you in a month. I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart can pass through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to,the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has sent me to. I next compete in Paris. I'll find it empty and cold if you're not there. Hope guides me. It gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you leave my sight it will not be the last time I look upon you.

back in the olden days i suppose it was that much easier to impress people. back then everything must have been original, nowadays it's so hard not to sound cliche or to rip something off from a show or a song or anywhere. alas, that's life. haha.